Pre-Planning Your Own Funeral: A Step-by-Step Guide

Pre-planning your own funeral is one of the greatest gifts you can give your family. The decisions you make now — burial or cremation, what kind of service, what to do with your possessions — are decisions your family won’t have to make during the worst week of their lives. Pre-planning isn’t morbid. It’s loving.

This guide walks through the decisions to make, the documents to prepare, and the conversations to have so that your wishes are known and your family is supported.

Why Pre-Plan?

Several reasons:

You decide instead of your family deciding

Without pre-planning, your family will make dozens of decisions during their grief — cremation vs. burial, what casket, what service, what music, who speaks, what to do with your possessions, what charities to support in your name. Each decision adds to the weight of their grief. Pre-planning removes that weight.

You save money

Funeral homes often offer significant discounts for pre-need (pre-paid) funeral plans. Pre-planning locks in current pricing for future services — protecting you and your family from inflation over the years or decades until your services are needed.

You ensure your wishes are honored

Without written wishes, families often default to traditional choices that may not reflect what you would have wanted. Pre-planning ensures your funeral matches who you were.

You reduce family conflict

Disagreements among family members during a death often stem from uncertainty about what the deceased would have wanted. Pre-planning prevents this.

It can be a meaningful exercise

Many people who pre-plan describe it as clarifying — thinking through what they value, what they want remembered, what kind of legacy they want.

When to Pre-Plan

There is no “right” age. Common triggers:

You’re approaching retirement — most pre-planning happens in the 60-75 range
You’ve experienced a recent loss in your family and saw the difficulty firsthand
You have a chronic or serious health condition
You travel internationally frequently (consider what happens if you die abroad)
You have a complex family situation (blended family, estranged relatives, single parent, no immediate family)
You simply want to be prepared

It’s also entirely appropriate to pre-plan as a couple — discussing both your wishes together.

The Decisions to Make

Burial or cremation?

This is the foundational decision. See our cremation vs. burial guide for a full comparison. Key questions:

What is your religious tradition’s view?
What is your environmental preference?
What is your budget?
What is your preference about a gravesite (for visiting) versus flexibility?

Where do you want to be buried or scattered?

If burial: – A specific cemetery (consider family plots, religious cemeteries, veterans cemeteries) – A specific plot you’d like to purchase – Mausoleum vs. ground burial – Headstone preferences (material, inscription, design)

If cremation: – Burial of ashes (where?) – Scattering (where? legal considerations — some places require permits) – Keeping ashes with family – Splitting ashes among family members – Specific memorial options (memorial trees, jewelry, etc.)

What kind of service?

Traditional funeral service at funeral home or church
Memorial service — held days or weeks after death (gives family time to plan and gather)
Celebration of life — informal, focuses on celebrating who you were
Direct cremation/burial with no service — simplest option
Religious vs. secular service
Open vs. closed casket (for burial)
Music, readings, speakers you want

Who do you want to officiate?

A specific priest, minister, rabbi, imam, or other religious leader
A non-religious officiant
A specific family member or friend

Where do you want the service held?

Funeral home (most traditional)
Place of worship
Your home
A meaningful location (beach, park, family home)
Multiple locations (one for family, one for extended community)

What do you want at the service?

Music — specific songs you’d like
Readings — favorite poems, scripture, or other passages
Speakers — specific people you’d like to speak (and a backup list)
Photos and memorabilia — what to display
Food and drink — if appropriate to the service style
Specific decorations or themes — your favorite colors, hobbies represented

What do you want NOT at the service?

This matters too. Consider:

“Don’t play ‘Amazing Grace.’ I hated that song.”
“Don’t let [specific person] speak.”
“No religious content beyond what’s traditionally required.”
“No open casket. I don’t want people staring.”
“Don’t wear black — wear my favorite color.”

What charity (if any) should receive donations in lieu of flowers?

If you want to direct donations:

Name 1-3 specific charities
Provide their websites
Indicate priority if multiple
Update this every few years as your priorities evolve

What do you want your obituary to say?

Some people write their own obituaries during pre-planning. This is increasingly common and ensures:

Accurate biographical information
Personality details that capture who you were
Specific people you want acknowledged
Specific causes you want mentioned

You can write it yourself or provide your family with the key facts and let them shape it. See our obituary writing guide.

What about your body?

Some specific options to consider:

Organ donation — register with your state DMV or at organdonor.gov
Whole-body donation — to medical schools or research institutions
Embalming preferences — required for some viewings; not required for most
Burial clothing — a specific outfit, accessories, items you want with you
Items in the casket — photos, letters, specific possessions

Documents to Prepare

Will

The most important document. Without a will, state law determines where your assets go — which may not match your wishes. Update every 5-10 years and after major life events (marriage, divorce, births, deaths, significant asset changes).

Consider working with an estate attorney for complex situations.

Healthcare directive / Living will

Specifies your wishes for end-of-life medical care:

What life-sustaining treatments you want or don’t want
Whether to authorize organ donation
Hospice preferences
Pain management priorities

Healthcare power of attorney

Names someone to make medical decisions for you if you can’t. Often the same person who’s executor of your will.

Financial power of attorney

Names someone to manage your finances if you can’t.

Funeral planning document

A separate document (not legally required but extremely helpful) specifying your funeral wishes. Many funeral homes provide templates.

Pre-need funeral contract

A formal contract with a funeral home pre-paying for specific services. Locks in pricing and ensures your wishes are recorded.

Letter to your loved ones

Optional but powerful. Letters to your spouse, children, close friends — to be opened after your death. These often become deeply treasured items.

The Conversations to Have

Documents are essential but conversations matter too. Have these conversations while you’re healthy:

With your spouse / partner

All of your wishes above
Their wishes if they predecease you
How you’ll handle each other’s pre-planning together

With your children

A summary of your wishes (they don’t need every detail)
Where your important documents are kept
Who to contact (attorney, executor, funeral home)
Your philosophy about death and memorial

With your executor or healthcare power of attorney

These people need to understand their role and have access to the relevant documents. Don’t surprise them with this responsibility after you’re gone.

With your funeral home

If you pre-pay, the funeral home will keep your wishes on file. Visit in person to understand options, get pricing, and document everything.

Where to Keep the Documents

Your pre-planning documents should be:

Accessible to your family — not locked in a safe deposit box that requires a court order to open
Stored in a clearly labeled file at home, with a copy with your attorney
Reviewed every 3-5 years to ensure they reflect current wishes
Discussed with the relevant people so they know where to find them

Consider services like Everplans or Trustworthy that store digital copies of important documents accessible to your designated family.

Financial Considerations

Pre-paying for services

Funeral homes offer pre-need contracts that lock in current pricing. Considerations:

Cost: Pre-paid funerals typically cost $5,000-$15,000+ depending on choices
Pricing protection: Locked-in prices protect against inflation
Transfer policies: What happens if you move? Most plans transfer to affiliated funeral homes
Refund policies: What happens if you change your mind?
Trust requirements: Reputable plans hold your money in a state-regulated trust until needed

Funeral insurance

Alternative to pre-paying: – A small life insurance policy ($10,000-$25,000) designated specifically for funeral expenses – Available without medical underwriting in many cases – Payout goes to a designated beneficiary who handles funeral costs

Savings account designated for funeral

Some families simply maintain a savings account specifically for funeral expenses, designated as such in their will. Simplest option but doesn’t protect against inflation.

Updating Your Plan

Review every 3-5 years and after: – A significant life change (marriage, divorce, birth, death in family) – Moving to a new city – A change in your health – A change in your beliefs or preferences – A change in your financial situation

Pre-planning isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing practice.

A Final Thought

Pre-planning your funeral is one of the most loving things you can do for your family. It removes a burden from them during their grief and ensures your wishes are honored. The process itself can be meaningful — a chance to reflect on what you value, what you want remembered, and how you want to be honored.

Don’t wait. Begin the conversation, gather the documents, and visit your local funeral home. You’ll feel lighter for having done it, and your family will be deeply grateful when the time comes.

For related guidance, see our guide on what to do when someone dies, our obituary writing guide, or our cremation vs. burial comparison.