Memorial Donations in Lieu of Flowers: A Complete Guide

When an obituary says “In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to…” — they mean it. This phrasing is a clear preference from the family, and the right response is a donation, not flowers. But many senders don’t know how to make a charitable donation in someone’s memory in a way that’s meaningful, recognized by the family, and properly handled.

This guide covers exactly how to make a memorial donation, which causes to consider, how much to give, and what to do alongside the donation.

What “In Lieu of Flowers” Actually Means

The phrase is a polite instruction. The family is saying:

• We don’t want a wave of flower arrangements at our home or the funeral.
• We have a cause we’d like supported instead.
• Please honor the deceased through a gift to that cause rather than through flowers to us.

This is increasingly common, particularly for:

• Families whose loved one died of a specific disease they want to advance research on
• Families with strong religious or charitable commitments
• Environmentally-conscious families who prefer not to use cut flowers
• Families who already expect many flower arrangements at the service and prefer alternatives
• Families with limited home space or specific tradition-based preferences

The request should be honored. Sending flowers anyway can feel disrespectful, even if well-intended.

How to Make a Memorial Donation

The process is straightforward:

Step 1: Identify the charity

If the obituary names a specific charity, donate there. The family has chosen this cause deliberately and your donation should go where they’re asking.

If the obituary doesn’t name a specific charity but says “donate to a cause meaningful to him/her” — consider:

• A charity the deceased was actively involved with (church, alma mater, organization, etc.)
• A cause related to how the deceased died (cancer research, heart disease, ALS, Alzheimer’s, etc.)
• A hospital or hospice that cared for the deceased
• A cause aligned with the deceased’s passions (animals, environment, veterans, education, religious institution, etc.)

Step 2: Donate “in memory of”

When making your donation:

• Online: Most major charities have a “donate in memory” option on their donation form. You enter the deceased’s name and the family’s mailing address.
• By mail: Send a check with a note specifying “In memory of [Deceased’s name]” and the family’s mailing address.
• By phone: Call the charity directly. Most large charities have donation specialists who handle memorial gifts.

Step 3: Ensure the family is notified

This is the critical piece many senders miss. The charity needs the family’s mailing address to send a notification card.

The family won’t know about your donation unless you provide: – The deceased’s full name – The family’s mailing address (typically the surviving spouse, eldest child, or whoever is handling correspondence)

The charity will send a card to the family that says, essentially:

“A donation has been made in memory of [Deceased’s name] by [Your name]. The donation amount is not specified.”

The family then knows you contributed without seeing the dollar amount (and you don’t need to disclose it).

If the obituary doesn’t include a mailing address, you can: – Find the family’s address through other family members – Send the donation through the funeral home (some funeral homes coordinate this) – Make the donation and send the family your own card noting that you donated

Step 4: Send your own acknowledgment to the family

In addition to the charity’s notification card, sending your own card or note to the family is appropriate. This lets you express your sympathy personally rather than only through the charity’s standardized acknowledgment.

Brief example:

“[Family member’s name] — With deepest sympathy on the loss of [Name]. We’ve made a donation to [Charity] in [his/her] memory. Thinking of you and your family. — [Your name]”

How Much to Donate

There’s no fixed expectation, but typical ranges:

These are typical, not required. The gesture matters more than the amount. A $25 donation in memory of someone is a real, recognized gesture; you don’t need to give more than you can afford.

If you’re sending a group donation from an office or organization, $250-$500 pooled from many contributors is appropriate.

Causes to Consider

If the obituary doesn’t name a charity, consider these categories:

Disease and Medical Research Foundations

For deaths related to specific diseases:

• American Cancer Society (cancer.org) — broadly applicable
• American Heart Association (heart.org)
• Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org)
• ALS Association (als.org)
• Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (lls.org)
• Susan G. Komen (komen.org) — breast cancer
• Movember Foundation (movember.com) — men’s health, particularly prostate cancer
• Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (pancan.org)
• JDRF (jdrf.org) — Type 1 diabetes
• National Multiple Sclerosis Society (nationalmssociety.org)
• The Parkinson’s Foundation (parkinson.org)
• CaringBridge — supports families through serious illness

Hospital and Hospice Foundations

The facility that cared for the deceased often has a foundation. These donations support patient care.

• The deceased’s local hospital foundation
• The hospice organization that provided end-of-life care
• Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals
• St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital

Religious Organizations

For people of faith:

• The deceased’s home congregation or parish
• Denominational foundations
• Religious educational institutions

Veterans Organizations

For veterans:

• Wounded Warrior Project (woundedwarriorproject.org)
• USO (uso.org)
• DAV (Disabled American Veterans) (dav.org)
• Tunnel to Towers Foundation (t2t.org)
• Service-branch specific foundations (Marine Corps Heritage Foundation, Navy SEAL Foundation, etc.)

Animal Welfare

For animal lovers:

• ASPCA (aspca.org)
• The Humane Society (humanesociety.org)
• Best Friends Animal Society (bestfriends.org)
• Local animal shelters or rescues
• Guide Dogs for the Blind (guidedogs.com) — for animal lovers who also valued service

Educational

• The deceased’s alma mater (often with scholarship fund options)
• Specific schools they attended or supported
• Scholarship America (scholarshipamerica.org)

Environmental and Conservation

• The Nature Conservancy (nature.org)
• Sierra Club (sierraclub.org)
• National Park Foundation (nationalparks.org)
• Arbor Day Foundation (arborday.org)

Local Causes

• Local food banks, community organizations, libraries, museums
• The deceased’s chosen local cause

Combining Donations with Other Gestures

The “in lieu of flowers” phrasing doesn’t prohibit ALL gestures — it specifically asks for donations rather than flowers at the funeral. You can:

Make a donation AND send a card

Most appropriate combination. Donation honors the family’s request; card adds your personal acknowledgment.

Make a donation AND send a small gesture to the home

A small sympathy plant, fruit basket, or memorial gift sent to the home — not the funeral — a week or two after the service. With a card noting your donation. This honors the request about flowers at the service while still letting you make a personal gesture.

Make a donation AND attend the service

Make the donation. Attend the service. Acknowledge in person. No flowers needed.

What Not to Do

• Don’t ignore the “in lieu of flowers” request and send flowers anyway. The family will receive them, and they’ll know.
• Don’t make a token donation with no notification path. A $25 donation that the family never learns about doesn’t serve as a memorial gesture.
• Don’t choose a charity opposing the deceased’s views. Sounds obvious — sometimes well-intentioned senders donate to causes they personally support rather than ones the deceased would have wanted.
• Don’t make conditional donations that pressure the family (“I’ll donate if you…”).

What to Write on the Card

When sending a card alongside or after a donation:

“With deepest sympathy on the loss of [Name]. We’ve made a donation in [his/her] memory to [Charity]. [He/She] is in our thoughts. — [Your name]”

“[Family member’s name] — Thinking of you and your family. A donation has been made to [Charity] in [Deceased’s name]’s memory. Holding you close. — [Your name]”

For a closer relationship:

“[Family member’s name] — [Deceased’s name] meant so much. [One specific memory or quality]. We’ve made a donation in [his/her] memory to [Charity]. Sending love. — [Your name]”

Tax Implications

If you donate to a registered 501(c)(3) charity, your donation is typically tax-deductible. Save the donation receipt or acknowledgment for your records. The amount of the deduction is the amount you donated (not the value of any gift or service in return).

Most major charities provide tax receipts via email immediately and physical receipts by mail within a few weeks.

A Final Thought

Memorial donations are some of the most meaningful sympathy gestures available. They honor the deceased by furthering a cause they cared about, they acknowledge the family without burdening them with physical items, and they can have lasting impact beyond what any flower arrangement could.

When a family asks for donations “in lieu of flowers” — they are asking for something more meaningful, not something less. Honor the request. Make it personal. Send your own card alongside the charity’s notification.

For broader basics on sympathy gestures, see our complete guide to sending funeral flowers or our alternatives to funeral flowers guide.