Military & Veteran Funeral Etiquette: A Guide for Senders

The funeral of a military veteran often carries traditions, honors, and conventions that may be unfamiliar if you didn’t serve yourself. From the folded flag to the rifle salute, military funerals are distinctive — and the right gesture as a sender involves understanding both general funeral etiquette and the specific traditions that honor service.

This guide covers what to send, what to wear, what to say, and how to honor a veteran’s service through your gesture.

Military Funeral Honors: What to Expect

For veterans, the Department of Veterans Affairs provides military funeral honors at no cost to the family. These honors typically include:

• A folding ceremony — the U.S. flag is folded into a triangle by two uniformed service members
• The presentation of the flag — typically to the surviving spouse, parent, or next of kin
• Taps — the bugle call signaling end of day, played at the graveside
• A rifle salute (sometimes) — three volleys fired by an honor guard

For veterans who served in combat or earned specific decorations, additional honors may apply. For active-duty service members who died in service, full military honors include a much larger contingent.

These honors are arranged by the family and the funeral home in coordination with the appropriate service branch. As a sender, you don’t need to arrange anything — you simply attend respectfully.

What to Send

Flowers

Yes, flowers are appropriate at military funerals. Standing sprays, wreaths, and sympathy bouquets are all welcome.

Patriotic floral arrangements

For veterans, patriotic floral arrangements are particularly meaningful:

• Red, white, and blue arrangements — featuring red roses, white lilies, and blue accents (blue delphiniums, blue hydrangeas, or blue iris)
• Service-branch themed arrangements — incorporating the colors of the deceased’s branch (Army green/gold, Navy/Coast Guard blue/gold, Marines red/gold, Air Force/Space Force blue, etc.)
• Eagle, flag, or military emblem accents — sometimes incorporated into the arrangement
• Memorial wreaths with patriotic ribbons — a particularly traditional gesture

Typical spending range: $100-$300

Standard sympathy arrangements

If patriotic arrangements feel too specific, standard white-and-green sympathy arrangements are entirely appropriate. The service does the work of honoring military service; your arrangement honors the person.

Donations to veterans’ causes

A meaningful alternative or addition to flowers:

• Wounded Warrior Project (woundedwarriorproject.org)
• USO (uso.org)
• DAV (Disabled American Veterans) (dav.org)
• Tunnel to Towers Foundation (t2t.org) — first responders and military
• Honor Flight Network — for WWII, Korean War, Vietnam War veterans
• Service-branch foundations — Marine Corps Heritage Foundation, Navy SEAL Foundation, Army Historical Foundation, Air Force Association, etc.
• Specific cause foundations — Special Operations Warrior Foundation, Folds of Honor (scholarships for fallen service members’ families), American Legion, VFW

What to Wear

Military funerals typically follow more formal dress code than other funerals:

• Men: Dark suit, white shirt, conservative tie. Veterans attending may wear their dress uniform if they’re authorized to do so.
• Women: Dark dress, suit, or pant suit. Conservative jewelry.
• Avoid: Bright colors, casual clothing, sneakers.

If you are an active or retired service member, you may wear your dress uniform with appropriate decorations. This is at your discretion and per service regulations.

What to Do at the Service

A few specific points of etiquette at a military funeral:

When Taps is played

Stand at attention. Place your right hand over your heart (civilians) or salute (uniformed service members). Remain still and silent through the entire piece. Taps lasts about 50 seconds.

When the flag is presented

The family member receiving the flag will stand. Other attendees should also stand and remain silent during the presentation. The phrase spoken by the presenting officer (something like “On behalf of the President of the United States and a grateful nation…”) is part of a longer formal text.

During the rifle salute

The three volleys are loud and can be startling. Don’t react beyond the appropriate solemnity. The shell casings are sometimes given to the family as part of the ceremony.

When the flag-draped casket passes

Stand. Civilians remove hats and place right hand over heart. Active-duty service members in uniform salute.

What to Write on the Card

For military funerals, the card should acknowledge service:

“With deepest sympathy on the loss of [Name]. Thank you for [his/her] service. [He/She] will be remembered. — [Your name]”

“In loving memory of [Name], a true patriot who served our country with honor. With deepest condolences to your family. — [Your name]”

For closer relationships:

“[Family member’s name] — So sorry for the loss of [Deceased’s name]. [His/Her] service to our country and the lives [he/she] touched will not be forgotten. Holding you and your family close. — [Your name]”

If you served with the deceased:

“[Family member’s name] — Your [husband/father/etc.] was an honor to serve alongside. [One specific memory or quality]. Thank you for sharing him with the military family for so many years. — [Your name]”

When Active-Duty Service Members Die

The funeral of an active-duty service member — particularly one who died in service — carries additional weight:

• Casualty assistance: The military assigns a Casualty Assistance Officer to the family to help with logistics
• Full military honors: Active-duty deaths often include a full military funeral with a 21-gun salute
• National attention: Particularly for combat deaths, there may be media presence

Senders to active-duty military funerals should be especially conservative in their gestures and dress, and respectful of the family’s privacy. The family is often dealing with the full intensity of military protocol alongside their grief.

For donations, organizations specifically supporting active-duty families include: – Gold Star Wives and Mothers (goldstarwives.org) – TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) (taps.org) – Folds of Honor — scholarships for spouses and children of fallen and disabled service members

Specific Service Considerations

Army

• Branch colors: green and gold
• Notable: The “Old Guard” 3rd Infantry Regiment handles funerals at Arlington National Cemetery
• Donation: Army Emergency Relief, Army Historical Foundation

Navy

• Branch colors: blue and gold
• Notable: Naval Funeral Honors include a specific bugle call
• Donation: Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society, Navy SEAL Foundation

Marines

• Branch colors: scarlet and gold
• Notable: Marine Corps funeral honors are particularly precise and formal
• Donation: Marine Corps Heritage Foundation, Semper Fi Fund

Air Force / Space Force

• Branch colors: blue and silver/white
• Donation: Air Force Aid Society, Air Force Sergeants Association

Coast Guard

• Branch colors: blue and gold
• Donation: Coast Guard Mutual Assistance, Coast Guard Foundation

National Guard / Reserves

• Generally follow the conventions of the parent service branch

Arlington National Cemetery

For service members buried at Arlington National Cemetery, additional considerations apply:

• Strict schedule: Services at Arlington follow precise timing
• Specific dress code: Conservative attire is essential
• Photography restrictions: Limited photography is permitted; check guidelines
• Visitor protocols: Arlington has specific rules for cemetery visitors

If you’re attending a service at Arlington, familiarize yourself with the cemetery’s guidelines in advance.

A Final Thought

Honoring a veteran at their funeral is about acknowledging both the person and the service. Your gesture — whether flowers, a donation, your physical presence at the service, or your respectful behavior during the honors — is part of how a grateful nation says farewell to one of its own.

The family will remember those who showed up, who acknowledged the service, and who treated the occasion with the reverence it deserves.

For broader basics, see our complete guide to sending funeral flowers.