How to Write an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide with Templates
Writing an obituary for someone you love is one of the harder tasks of the days after a death. It’s an exercise in summing up a person — distilling decades of life into a few hundred words — while you are also grieving. This guide walks through what to include, what to leave out, and provides templates you can adapt.
If you’re reading this because you’ve just lost someone, take your time with this. The funeral home will tell you the obituary is needed quickly, and they’re often right — but a few extra hours to write something thoughtful are almost always worth taking.
What an Obituary Does
An obituary serves three audiences at once:
- People who knew the deceased and want to know what happened — basic facts about the death, the service, the survivors
- People who didn’t know the deceased and might want to attend the service — when and where they can pay respects
- The future — a permanent record of who this person was, what they did, what they meant
A good obituary serves all three audiences in the right balance. Too much focus on facts (born, died, survived by) reads as cold. Too much focus on personality without the facts is hard to use as a notice. The right obituary holds both.
The Standard Structure
Most obituaries follow this rough structure, in this order:
- Announcement of death — name, age, where they lived, date of death
- Brief biography — born where, when, family of origin, key life events
- Education and career — schools attended, jobs held, accomplishments
- Personal life — marriage, children, key relationships
- Personality and passions — what they loved, what defined them, the human details
- Survivors — the family members left behind
- Service information — when and where the funeral or memorial is held
- In lieu of flowers / donation requests — if applicable
You don’t need to include every section. Some obituaries are 100 words; some are 1,000. Length depends on the family’s wishes, the publication’s space, and the deceased’s life.
Step 1: Gather Information
Before you write, collect:
- Full legal name — and any nicknames or names by which the deceased was known
- Age and date of birth
- Date and location of death (typically the city, not necessarily the address)
- Cause of death (optional — many families choose not to disclose, particularly for sensitive causes)
- Parents’ names (their maiden names too)
- Spouse’s name and date of marriage (or “loving partner of [Name] for [number] years” if not married)
- Children’s names and where they live
- Grandchildren and great-grandchildren (often listed by count rather than name when there are many)
- Siblings still living — and sometimes those who passed before
- Education — high school, college, graduate degrees
- Military service — branch, dates, awards, conflicts served in
- Career highlights — jobs, achievements, retirement details
- Religious affiliation if applicable
- Hobbies and passions — what they loved
- Memberships in clubs, organizations, causes
- Service details — date, time, location of funeral and/or memorial
- Burial information — if applicable
- Memorial donation preferences
Step 2: Start with the Basics
Begin with a clean opening sentence that identifies the deceased and establishes the basic facts:
“[Full name], [age], of [City], passed away [peacefully / suddenly / surrounded by family] on [Date].”
Examples:
“Margaret Elizabeth Smith, 87, of Highland, Utah, passed away peacefully surrounded by her family on May 8, 2026.”
“Robert James Anderson, 64, of Provo, Utah, died unexpectedly on May 10, 2026.”
“Mary Catherine O’Brien, 72, of Salt Lake City, passed away on May 9, 2026 after a long and courageous battle with cancer.”
The opening should be matter-of-fact. Save the warmth and personality for what follows.
Step 3: Tell Their Story
The biographical section is where most of the work happens. Here are the elements to consider, in roughly the order they typically appear:
Birth and family of origin
“Margaret was born on March 15, 1938, in Salt Lake City, Utah, to John and Elizabeth (Brown) Williams. She was the third of five children, growing up in the Sugar House neighborhood…”
Childhood / formative years
If notable: where they grew up, key influences, formative experiences. One or two sentences usually.
“Her childhood was shaped by the close-knit immigrant community her parents helped build, and the values of hard work and family she absorbed early would guide her throughout her life.”
Education
“She graduated from East High School in 1956 and earned her bachelor’s degree in Education from the University of Utah in 1960.”
For longer obituaries, you can mention specific honors, teachers who influenced them, or memorable accomplishments. For shorter ones, the school and degree are sufficient.
Marriage / partnership
“On June 12, 1962, Margaret married the love of her life, James Smith. They were married for 58 wonderful years before James’s passing in 2020.”
If the marriage ended in divorce, you can mention the marriage without dwelling — “She was previously married to…” or “With her former husband [Name], she raised three children…”
For unmarried partners, “loving partner of [Name] for X years” is now common and accepted.
Career
“Margaret taught third grade at Cottonwood Elementary for 32 years, retiring in 1996. Generations of students remember her as the teacher who believed in them. She was honored as the Granite School District Teacher of the Year in 1985.”
Adapt to the person. For someone whose career was central to their identity, this section can be longer. For someone whose work was less defining, a brief mention is fine.
Personality and passions
This is where the obituary comes to life. What did this person love? What were they known for?
“Margaret was a voracious reader, an enthusiastic bridge player, and a beloved volunteer at the Salt Lake Library. She had a sharp wit and a kind heart, and she rarely met a stranger. Her grandchildren remember her best for her annual Christmas cookie marathons, which produced more cookies than the family could possibly eat — and which she insisted everyone help with.”
This section should make the reader feel like they got to know the person. Specific details are better than general traits. “She had a sharp wit” is good; “She once told her doctor that at 80 she was too old to start being polite” is better.
Religious / spiritual life
“Margaret was a devoted member of [Church]. Her faith was central to her life, and she found great comfort in her Sunday services and her women’s prayer group.”
Adapt to the family’s level of religiosity. For non-religious or secular families, this section can be omitted.
Military service
For veterans:
“He served honorably in the United States Army during the Vietnam War, earning the Bronze Star and Purple Heart. He was proud of his service and active in the local VFW post until his retirement.”
Step 4: List Survivors
The survivors section follows a fairly standard format:
“She is survived by her loving children: [Name and Spouse] of [City]; [Name and Spouse] of [City]; and [Name and Spouse] of [City]. She is also survived by [number] grandchildren and [number] great-grandchildren, as well as her siblings [Name] of [City] and [Name] of [City]. She was preceded in death by her husband [Name], her parents, and her brother [Name].”
A few conventions:
- Order of survivors typically: spouse first, then children (in order of birth, with spouses), then grandchildren (by count or named, depending on length), then siblings, then other family
- “Preceded in death by” comes at the end, listing those who died before
- In-laws, nieces, nephews are mentioned when notable, particularly if the deceased had no children of their own
- Pets are sometimes mentioned for people who were particularly close to them
Step 5: Service Information
This section is practical:
“A funeral service will be held at 10:00 AM on Tuesday, May 13, 2026, at [Funeral Home Name], [Address]. A visitation will precede the service from 9:00 AM. Burial will follow at [Cemetery Name]. A reception will be held at the family home following the service.”
Include: – Date and time of the visitation (if applicable) – Date, time, and location of the funeral or memorial service – Burial information if applicable – Reception information if applicable
If the service is private (family-only), state so:
“A private graveside service will be held for immediate family. A celebration of life will be announced at a later date.”
Step 6: Donation Requests (Optional)
If the family wants donations rather than flowers, add this near the end:
“In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made in Margaret’s name to the American Cancer Society (cancer.org) or the Salt Lake Library Foundation.”
Or for veterans:
“In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Wounded Warrior Project in James’s memory.”
Step 7: Closing
Most obituaries don’t need a formal closing, but some include one:
“Margaret will be deeply missed by all who knew her. Her wit, warmth, and love for her family will live on in the memories of those she touched.”
Keep it brief if you include one. The biography itself should have done the emotional work.
Templates
Short obituary (100-150 words)
“[Full Name], [age], of [City], passed away [date]. Born [date] in [birthplace], [she/he] was the [son/daughter] of [parents]. [She/He] graduated from [school] and worked as [occupation] for [number] years. [She/He] is survived by [spouse, if any], children [names], [number] grandchildren, and [siblings]. [She/He] was preceded in death by [previously deceased family]. A [funeral/memorial] service will be held [date] at [time] at [location]. [Donation request if any].”
Medium obituary (250-400 words)
“[Full Name], [age], of [City], passed away [peacefully/unexpectedly] on [date] [optional cause]. [She/He] was born on [date] in [birthplace] to [parents’ names]. [She/He] grew up in [location/context] and graduated from [school] in [year]. [She/He] [earned degree from / began career at] and worked as [occupation] for [number] years.
On [date], [she/he] married [spouse], with whom [she/he] [had children / built a life together]. They were married for [number] years [until spouse’s passing in year, if applicable].
[Personal details — one paragraph capturing personality, passions, what they were known for. 2-3 specific details rather than generic ones.]
[She/He] is survived by [list of survivors as above].
A [funeral/memorial] service will be held [details]. [Donation request if any].”
Long obituary (500+ words)
For prominent figures or for families who want a fuller tribute, expand each section: more detailed biography, longer career section, more personality details, and quotes or anecdotes from family members.
What to Leave Out
A few things that are typically inappropriate or unnecessary:
- Cause of death — only if the family wants to share it. “After a long illness” is sufficient.
- Personal disputes or estranged family members — obituaries are for honoring the deceased, not litigating relationships
- Inappropriate humor about the deceased’s flaws — even if they would have appreciated it, the obituary is for the broader audience
- Detailed religious or political positions that may not be shared by all readers
- Phone numbers or addresses of survivors (privacy)
- Excessive medical details about the illness or death
When to Submit
Obituaries are typically submitted:
- To the funeral home within 24-48 hours of death (they often coordinate with newspapers and online obituary sites)
- To local newspapers with the cutoff time the funeral home will share
- To online sites like Legacy.com (where many newspaper obituaries are also posted)
- To social media — the family decides if and when to post on personal accounts
After Submission
Once the obituary is published:
- Share it with the family for any final additions or corrections
- Save copies — print copies for the family album, screenshots of online versions
- Note the URL of online obituaries — the family will want this for sharing later
A Final Thought
Writing an obituary is an act of love. It is also an act of summarizing — and no summary can ever capture the full person you are remembering. Don’t try to. Pick the specific details that capture the essence, the warmth, the humor, the kindness. Leave room for the reader to imagine the rest.
If you find yourself struggling, ask another family member to write a draft and you’ll edit it, or vice versa. Two perspectives are often better than one. And remember — the obituary is one part of honoring the deceased, not the whole. The flowers, the service, the eulogy, the grief, the memories — all of these together are how we honor someone we have lost.
For broader basics on the days after a death, see our guide on what to do when someone dies.
